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Above all, kids need a
safe and stable home.
And they can't wait
long
to regain or find one.
We say "Kids Can't Wait" for two basic reasons. First of all,
they are developing at an extremely rapid pace throughout their
childhood, first physically and emotionally, and later on in the
formation of behaviors and attitudes. This cries out for
nurturing and guidance, both of which require focused attention on the
part of parents. Their children have to come first ahead of
their own needs and desires. When parents are distracted,
preoccupied, or otherwise troubled by their circumstances help can come
from extended family or the community at large - including social
services. When that help is not sought out or it is ignored,
children suffer. Unfortunately, their plight too often becomes
known only after they've experienced dramatic emotional neglect or
abuse let alone physical or sexual invasions they may never fully
recover from. It is in these more extreme cases that social
services petition the court to assume custody of children for their own
safety. It is in these cases that a CASA is assigned, the system
realizing that all the stops need to be pulled out at this relatively
late date in the child's experience. It is amazing how resilient
children can be. Absolutely amazing. However that masks the
universal need to have a trusted and stable home to call their
own. It doesn't have to be fancy, toys don't have to line the
driveway, and the food may not match what we'd prepare for
ourselves. As CASAs we're looking for parents - or their
substitutes when necessary - to make these kids their priority.
And certainly to keep them out of harm's way if parents must deal with
problems which keep them from being all they're capable of being.
The second reason we say "Kids Can't Wait" is because their perception
of time, particularly at younger ages, is far different from that of
adults. Promise a 4 year-old you'll be back to see her a week
from now and she'll be expecting you tomorrow morning. Children
simply don't have the capability of putting time into a broader
perspective. They form expectations from shreds of evidence an
adult would hardly say would support a faint hope. When those
expectations fail to come true, children quickly become discouraged,
build defenses against disappointment, and ultimately instinctively
work to sabotage good outcomes because they have little to reason
to trust their permanence. Along the way anger unavoidably builds
inside that becomes self-destructive and can endanger anyone who might
become even an accidental target.
Moving a child from one foster home to another breeds this cycle of
disappointment, distrust, and defensive anger that can last for years
and ruin a child's prospects for a happy and productive life. If
kids have to wait, at least let them wait in a single place they can
trust will be there for them.
As much as we come to care for these kids and envision outcomes for
them we'd provide if we had the chance, we are obligated to work for
permanent placement in a home that at least meets what are termed
"minimum community standards." We have to be objective about what
that implies. Our world is made up of lots of "communities"
ranging from country clubs to street gangs. Decent, safe homes
can be found in lots of places in between. We have to be able to
recognize them when we see them.
While kids are in foster care, they have an apportunity to increase
their resiliency in many ways. They can learn that there's a
caring world beyond the walls of their house, and that their suffering
and loss are not their fault. They can experience healthy
expectations for their behavior and participation in school which can
carry over as guides to self-discipline and aspirations for their
future. CASA's make sure that environment is in place while kids
are in foster care, and that they're not merely being warehoused.
Kids deserve much more while they wait.
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